Today I spotted a job vacancy at the local hospice where I worked before having the children. The job would have been pretty perfect for me and was actually quite similar to the one I was doing before I left. Reading through the job details I started to get excited at the thought of working again, earning some ‘proper’ money and contributing to the mortgage and bills would certainly be a good thing. I started mentally working out how I would juggle child care and how I would fill in the gaps between pre-school and school. I then started to think how I would manage if one of the children were ill. How would my boss react if I was having to take days off to look after poorly children? How would I feel if my child was sick and I wasn’t able to be there for them?
At that moment my little man came over to me with his ‘Tiddler’ book and said “Mummy can you read me this?” My eyes welled up and I started to think “Oh my goodness, I’m going to miss so much!” Maybe I have been spoilt being a stay-at-home mum. I know plenty of mums work long hours and just have to cope with these kinds of dilemmas but to be honest I don’t think I could do it. They are little for such a short amount of time and I don’t want to miss out on one minute.
The last 5 years have not been easy, money has been tight and being a stay-at-home mum on a budget is hardly glamorous. I am definitely NOT one of ‘the ladies who lunch brigade’. My life involves dashing between playgroups, swimming lessons, school runs and the post office, fitting in my ‘Green Mums’ work when I can. I definitely miss that feeling of responsibility and importance that you get from having a career of your own. I know mums who have gone back to work and found that they can be a better parent – their life feels more ‘balanced’ and I can totally understand that. It’s a very emotive subject for mothers and one that I struggle with a lot of the time.
So, I closed my laptop and went to read my son ‘Tiddler’. Job applications will have to wait for another time because I already have an important job being ‘Mummy’